I’m a flower

I can’t keep lying to myself, to the world. How do I show up in my vulnerable strength? How am I so resilient yet still delicate? 

These are the questions burning in my soul,my heart. We’ve been taught the masculine  way of showing up. Be productive, get shit done, make money. This fallacy that’s so rampant in our society today that your success is determined by your income creates a huge feeling of lack. For men it creates huge pressure to earn more money. Thinking that their earnings will make a happy spouse sends the wrong message. Obviously being able to live comfortably without stressing over your bills and if your going to be able to buy groceries helps lessen stress.

The danger in assuming more money means more happiness is it becomes your main focus. You start focusing on what you don’t have or what you need. That in turn creates a feeling like somethings  missing in your life. So the search for fulfillment  begins, usually with outside validation.

We’re taught at such a young age by our parents that life is easier and happier when we please the people around us. Parents can make our lives miserable thinking their teaching us lessons. Teaching us right vs wrong and to treat people the way you want to be treated. I find fault in this system of parents thinking they know what’s best for us. We only know what’s best for us not anybody else. Since we’re all different yet the same.

That is the way we are able to accept ourselves. That is the way we can be two things supposedly opposing traits of personalities. That is the beauty of a flower. Surviving rainstorms and windstorms, bugs and heat. Such delicate beauty so easily crushed between your fingers ripped apart by very little force, yet able to withstand furious wind.

How does the flower do this? The flower is just being the flower…it’s not concerned about the force of the wind or the cold of the rain, it just grows and sways with life’s natural chaos continuing to be beautiful, vulnerable strength. We can learn so much about how to live life by adapting the traits of nature. Just breathe, be who you are growing with everything that life throws at you! Don’t change yourself to make anybody else comfortable. Could you imagine a rose thinking to itself ” the daisy only has a layer of petals, I should do the same so daisy doesn’t feel inferior” or  ” I’m better than daisy because I have more petals”. No! They are each uniquely beautiful in their own way and are content just the way they are.

Now imagine every person who thinks they should be like someone else or that someone else is better than them. It’d be horrible if we all looked the same how boring would that be?  Really this was my way of teaching myself to accept who I am and appreciate what I am. The way I feel is me as long as I am not trying to change myself to make others comfortable and not going out of my way to make others uncomfortable. If your just being you with no ill  intention and it makes others uncomfortable that’s a good thing and hopefully they will use that opportunity to examine why.

That’s the best way to determine what parts of yourself your hiding or judging is what you see in others that causes you discomfort. I’m not talking bout like murdering someone although I believe we are every one of us capable if under certain circumstances. That’s the gift tho of being human is the diverse capabilities we have within ourselves always. I’m always capable of being vulnerable and always capable of being strong. It’s learning to listen to our bodies to tell us what is real for us in that moment and not changing it for anyone.

I let my words flow I don’t plan where I’ll end up or what message is trying to come through  this is just me raw and curious as open as a flower. 

Janelle Ann

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